[Team Fortress 2] Still Better Than Your Modern Shooter

After thousands of collective hours, the Holian Society has concluded that Team Fortress 2 is not, in fact, a 9-class objective-based shooter.

It is the world's most advanced, high-stakes, and financially ruinous hat-collecting simulator, which is occasionally interrupted by some mild, unnecessary violence.

Your "skill" is irrelevant. Your "teamwork" is secondary. Your entire purpose is to acquire, trade, and obsess over digital headwear. The actual "game"—pushing a tiny cart, standing on a glowing square—is just a mindless minigame you play while waiting for your new, neon-green, on-fire hat to drop.

This "game" merely serves as a fine backdrop for your cosmetic achievements. It's a place where you can participate in sacred, time-honored rituals, such as:

• The Ritual of Self-Explosion: A complex art where you aim at your own feet and detonate a rocket, launching yourself across the map just to die in a new, exciting location.

• The Ritual of Paranoia: The act of compulsively shooting all your friends in the face, just in case one of them is an impeccably dressed Frenchman holding a butterfly knife.

• The Ritual of W+M1: A demanding, high-APM strategy that involves holding down two (2) buttons to set the entire world on fire.

• The Ritual of Godhood: The 8-second experience of being an invincible, glowing-blue angel of death, which is immediately followed by being headshot, backstabbed, and exploded simultaneously.

It is an ancient, chaotic, perfectly balanced* masterpiece that refuses to die... and it is still more fun than 90% of the "modern" shooters on this platform.

The Society fully endorses this timeless, glorious obsession.

"Perfectly balanced" is a term we use to describe a game where a man with a frying pan has the same lethal potential as a trained sniper.

//Black

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